Have you ever had that guilt after saying no to someone?
Well join the club. Many people have challenges with saying no. I remember when I worked with a client and telling her that she does have power and control over her no. The client was shocked however she went home and tried. The next session she came back sharing how empowered she felt to say no.
It is so empowering to say no!
No is a complete sentence. However this complete sentence can be difficult to get out especially when we are trapped by our experiences that says says no is a bad word. We may have had childhood experiences that provided us the message that saying no is not how you make friends or get people to like you. Instead we go into the behavior of people pleasing.
So how does one say no?
First think about how does saying yes benefit you? We can get trapped in people pleasing and make up a narrative that will make it ok to say yes when in fact we really don’t want to say yes. If saying yes comes with sacrifice, lack of peace, and later regret then search within and give yourself permission to say “no”.
Second let go of the outcome. We tend to attach to the outcome of what we would like to happen or assume would happen. In doing this we will stray away from saying no. Let go of the outcome and stay in the present. How they take your no is their concern and not yours. My favorite saying is if they have a problem with your no then they may need to go see someone.
Lastly practice saying no in the mirror. Yes. Get in the mirror and say no. Allow your mind, body, spirit, and lips get used to the word. When we are uncomfortable doing things or saying things it will remain uncomfortable. When we are not used to doing things are saying things it can be a challenge or uncomfortable to do. So practicing no exercises that muscle of setting boundaries so when the opportunity presents it becomes easy and empowering.
As you focus on setting boundaries I invite you to challenge yourself to saying no. Practice saying no to your pets, to yourself in the mirror, and to the next thing that you just don’t want to do.
Remember….setting boundaries allows you to honor you and your needs. Setting boundaries teaches people how to interact and engage with you. Setting boundaries teaches you how to disable unhealthy behaviors and engage in healthy behaviors.
Until next time…..